Sunday, July 1, 2012

Introduction by Christy (transcribed by Jennifer)

Hello, My Name is Christy, and I'm a vampire.

No, I'm not joking.  You are at The Vampire's Handbook, right?  

Anyway...  I lost the toss, so I get to write the introduction to this book or website or whatever this is.  I'm not from this century, so forgive me if I get the terms wrong occasionally.

Why a handbook?  Well, since vampires came out to the world, it seemed silly to pretend we don't exist.  Plus, newbie vampires have way too many questions.  

  • "How often do I have to eat?"   (From daily to once a month, depending on your age and strength.)
  • "Can I eat animal blood instead of human blood?"  (Eww - what would you drink from?  Rats?)
  • "Can I still... you know... since I'm technically dead?" (Yes, but I'm not going into any more details.  You need to figure some things out on your own.)

Seriously, I have neither the time nor the patience to deal with the pestering.

Luckily, Gregory always love to answer questions, especially from the ladies.  Starting next week, he will answer any question that you send in.  Just write, um, email him.  No, I don't know how to email him.  But I'm positive he'll let you know himself.

Now, where was I?  Oh, yes, the Introduction.

Vampires are a bunch of poor lost souls, infected with a nasty disease that makes us have some peculiarities about us.  

Right.  Even I can't sell that load of crap with a straight face.

Listen, there are a ton of stories within the vampire community as to how or why we exist.  The honest truth is that we ourselves do not know where we started, only that we are here.  I can tell you my favorite creation story involves Adam, Eve, Cain, Abel, and a lot of blood.

But I am forgetting myself again.  You want to read an introduction, right?

The Vampire's Handbook is an invitation and a guide, all wrapped together with a pretty bow.  We want people to feel comfortable around vampires, though we will be here regardless of your comfort.  We want to answer your questions, arrange meetings and interviews, and all in all help humans and vampires get along better.

At least, that's the party line.

Now, I need to get something to drink.  Type this out for me, Jennifer, and do whatever magic you need to do to put it on our website.

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