Showing posts with label Christy's Musings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christy's Musings. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Christy's Musings: The Legend of the Fairies

Well, much to my surprise I received an email this week asking me if fairies are real.  I assume from my previous posts that you know fairies exist, but Curious asked for more information. So here we go.

Fairies, in terms of cute little creatures that resemble beautiful men and women with gauzy wings - they are from the imaginations of deluded, psychotic, or drunk people.

And cartoon illustrators.

Real fairies began in what you call Europe.  Long ago, magic and magic users called mages roamed the lands.  The common folk welcomed mages as visitors, because some plagues and vermin could only be gotten rid of through magical means.  But no one wanted the mages to live in their particular village, because people feared that the mage would try and control the villagers.

On a tangent, these fears were justified, as many a village perished when the resident mage tried to enforce his or her will.  Plus, mage battles did nothing to help the crops or livestock, outside of a few interesting mutations.

Now, where was I... ah, yes, mages.

So the typical mage traveled around the countryside, eating and sleeping outdoors most of the time, coming into taverns occasionally, a public bath house rarely, and ordinary homes never.

One of the more well-known mages was a young woman named Hekateros.  Hekateros loved living in the city where she grew up but she also loved living in nature.  She loved helping others but she also hated much about humanity.  She adored wild animals but despised all forms of domesticated animal.  Her dual nature made her a bit temperamental.  One day, she would help a farmer with a sick herd of cows, but the next she would curse chickens to only lay spotted eggs (and no one would either eat or buy a spotted egg).

As her reputation for such extremes grew, so did the villagers' fear of her, until fear turned to intolerance.  Soon, villagers shuttered their windows and closed their doors when they heard rumors of her approach.  Farmers set their dogs or pigs on her, and even the minstrels walked through swamp and quicksand to avoid her path.

Hekateros grew lonely at first, then angry that so many people shunned her.  She quarreled with herself about the shunning, waffling between sorrowful acceptance and choleric rejection.  Finally, in a fit of insanity, she prayed to the great Goddess, asking for a curse to loose upon the villages as vengeance for their treatment of her.

The Great Goddess appeared before her.  "Hekateros, child, why do you call on me?"

"I am shunned by the villagers and farmers.  They shutter their windows, close their doors, and send dogs and pigs after me, to drive me away."

"Ah, but do you know why they do such things?"

Hekateros paused.  "Because sometimes I bless them and heal their animals or crops.  But at other times I curse them, plaguing their lands."

The Great Goddess gazed at Hekateros for a long time, until the lady could stand it no longer.  "Please, Great Goddess, I wish vengeance on them.  I need power to get them all, so that I may have peace."

"My daughter," sighed the Goddess, "you are lost."

"What?"

"Two spirits inhabit your body," the Goddess explained.  "They were not there at your birth, but your dual behavior created a break in your spirit.  Now, two spirits inhabit your body, one that does good deeds and one that does evil deeds."

As she heard the words, Hekateros felt her body change,  She had two faces instead of one, two faces that looked the same except for the expression.

"These two spirits cause your discord, Hekateros, not the villagers.  Since you petition me for peace, I will give you peace."

Hekateros felt herself split in two, all of her darkness pouring into one body while all of her light poured into the other.  She looked at herself, each half wondering how she ever lived with the other half.

"Now," continued the Great Goddess, "Hekateros is no more. Instead, you are now Arevik and Lusine, the sun and moon.  Go forth, and prosper as you should."

The two half-women left, and went forth into the world.  They each managed to procreate several times, each birth producing three or four offspring that looked almost human.

So began the races of the Light and Dark Fairies.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Christy's Musings: We're Here!

Relocation Specialist by Steve Frenkel
Greetings, fellow humans!

No, I am not really that cheery, but I was told in no uncertain terms to make everyone feel welcome here.  Not that the "here" part of here matters since I am not actually in your computer and you are not in my computer monitor.  But I assume you understand anyway.

At least I hope you do.

I must admit, moving from one website to another was rather anti-climatic considering the trouble and headaches we endured this week.  I still sit at my computer and I still write things in my here that magically appear in your here.

Yes, yes, I hear you now.  "But Christy, it's not magic.  It's science."

Whatever.

I only care because I know of real magic, and the users of real magic would do more than shake their heads at me if I didn't care.

Some idio... I mean a very nice young lady wrote a questions to Jennifer about vampire parents?  I try hard not to know what Jennifer is doing, but I know she will have a new post for you on Monday.  Gregory is beside himself in happiness; apparently someone liked his post on the origins of vampires so now he is scouring the legends for more stories.  Sarah, well, Sarah is just being Sarah, and I never question someone like her.

As for me, I received a question about fairies.  I will tell you more next Tuesday.

Until then, try not to die.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Christy's Musings: What's in a Name?

Right, I have received several emails asking me about my name.  Many hint around the question; many think that they are hinting though I must tell you that subtly it becoming a lost art; still others ask me outright - "How can your name be 'Christy'? Isn't that a bit modern for you?"

Ye, gods!  You almost sound like Juliet during the balcony scene:

What's <Christy>? it is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;


But more to the point, asking a vampire about her name under most circumstances equals asking to have either your tongue or head removed.

Luckily for you, this is not most circumstances.

Per the request of our Vampire Kings, I will instruct you about vampires and their names.

When a human becomes a vampire, they have the option to either retain their birth name, or get a new name immediately.  In my experience, about half choose the keep their old name and about half want a new one to symbolize their new life.

After a hundred years or so, every vampire feels the need to remove themselves from their past.  Usually, this need arises from the fact that we are all basically human and we make stupid mistakes during the beginning of our life as a vampire.  I mean, no one wants to be known as Lola, the girl who accidentally ate the local duke and caused a riot against vampires.

Unlike humans, we change our names due to either circumstances, major alterations in our life affairs, or sheer boredom.  Some vampires I know have a schedule which plots out all of their name changes for the next thousand years.  A few keep the same name through every occasion, harping ad naseum about their devotion and fealty as demonstrated in their consistency with names.  Most of us, though, cherish our names and change them only upon some external impetus.

As for my current name,  I assure you that "Christy" was not the name under which I entered this world.   But during World War 2, I wished to make a statement about my beliefs.  So, Christy I became and Christy I will be until I choose otherwise.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Christy's Musings

Ye, gods!  I find it difficult to concentrate on creating this handbook when every time I turn around I feel pounded by all the political crap that you humans generate every time you elect a new president.  Or a new senator.  Or new toy.  Or new dish soap.

I understand the lure of the Internet to spread your ideas, opinions, thoughts, and beliefs .  Am I not contributing to a handbook about vampires?  But this ability to inundate the world needs to be tempered with the knowledge to restrain yourself as well.

Did Shakespeare not say, "Methinks the lady protests too much"?

Well, that is how I view the people who carry on, interjecting themselves into every conversation regardless of the relevance of their input.  If you truly believe something, state it once in your own blog, and then Move. On.

I learned that we vampires have something in common with most geeks?  I think that is what you call people who are knowledgeable about the Internet and its social protocols.  We both call people with these issues the same epithet - trolls.

Of course, I personally met a few real troll in my time.  Nasty creatures, honestly, and so smelly that I burned my clothes afterwards.  Like today's trolls, those trolls followed people around, complaining about the weather, the daytime, the nighttime, anything that would annoy people into throwing food, clothing, even coins at the trolls.  If the offering passed the test, the trolls left, bound to another area to bother other people.

I enjoyed hunting and killing trolls.

Friday, August 10, 2012

Accidents and Apologizes

Dear Readers,

 

I must apologize for the absence of posts of late.  Two weeks ago, there was an ...., well, an accident at our abode.  It involved heavy whipping cream, rope, a plunger, two guinea pigs, strawberry jello, a couple of monkey wrenches, an old vampire, a new werewolf, and an ancient bet.   Needless to say, it did not turn out well for anyone, and we lost power for a few days.  Then it took about a week to find all the jello and we are still missing one of the guinea pigs.

The Vampire Handbook will return next Monday with our new weekly schedule.

Sincerely,

Christy

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Christy's Musings - July 5, 2012

Hello, my mortal friends,

I apologize if you did not feel welcomed by my first post.  I heard that it wasn't, well, introduce-y enough.  The Vampire Kings made it clear that they want everyone to feel welcome, and no one disappoints them.

The Vampire Handbook is just want you think.  We will discuss what makes a good vampiric candidate, how to become a vampire, what to expect the first few days, weeks, and years, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.  To be honest, we have never needed a handbook to do this.  But with the advent of synthetic and cloned blood, we need not hide anymore.  That still takes getting used to - I keep expecting someone to recognize me and pull out a wooden stake.

Not that a wooden stake would kill me, but I do so find splinters in my chest to be annoying.  Would it be too much to ask would-be vampire hunters to learn how to sand down the stakes first?  And for the record, I absolutely love garlic in my food, but must you bathe in it?

Where was I again?  Oh, yes, finishing the introduction.

The human population need not fear vampires.  First off, fear is never a productive emotion.  I mean, yes, fear does help you keep alert in wartime and such.  But really - we've lived here among you for centuries and you have lived fine so far.  Why get worried not?  Is that not like shutting the barn door after your horse escapes?

Secondly, we now have both synthetic blood and cloned blood, so we need not feed directly off of humans.  Now, if you want to make some money, we can use blood donors for the cloning machines, and many vampires will exchange blood for room and board.  But we do not need to take blood from you.  In fact, most of us find taking blood from the unwilling to be rather dramatic and unnecessary.

Thirdly, who do you think keeps the real dangers that go bump in the night from consuming you?

Anyway, I will write more about vampires next week.  You see, I also drew the short straw and now I must write a weekly report for humans.

Until then, have a nice day.

Christy